Hindsight

You made the sun shine even when the day was overcast.

You were always so calm, like the sea when the tide is out,

Gently lapping at the edge of the beach,

Always able to diffuse difficult altercations.

You were the heart of our family.

I wish I’d told you this when you were alive but I always thought you knew.

Living two hundred miles apart might have made us distant,

Yet on the bottom step, we spoke like no time had passed.

Your cheeky chuckle, with your dry humour,

Made for great talks on those stairs even when I was little.  

You were the heart of my childhood.

I wish I’d told you this when you were alive but I always thought you knew.

The weekends we visited were few and far between but,

Our Christmas visit was one we never missed, catching up

With tea, cakes and lots of chat and giggles

In your warm, homely living room with you in your armchair.

You were the heart of those visits.

I wish I had told you this when you were alive but I always thought you knew.

Two summers in a row I spent two weeks with you and Nan,

Following you to one or other of your many jobs.

The little clothes shop was my favourite.

You never knew this, but I tried on all the shoes in there.

You were the heart of those summers.

I wish I had told you this when you were alive but I always thought you knew.

When we weren’t together you sent letters or postcards,

Reminding us you were there, telling us your recent news.

I always wrote back with pages of words,

An excuse to write anything knowing you would read it all.

You were the heart of my teenage years.

I wish I had told you this when you were alive but I always thought you knew.

In life you were the best granddad any girl could wish for.

In death you left the best memories to remember you.

Everyone who knew you misses you.

Everyone who loves you wishes you were still here.

You were the heart of all our lives.

I wish I could tell you that now but I know you know.

The Best Worst Day

Richard was pacing. He was holed up in a room in a guest house trying to make the biggest decision of his life. He sighed heavily. Actually the decision was made it was more whether he had the courage to go ahead and do what needed to be done. Still pacing he grabbed a bottle of water off the small cubed table by the bed, uncapped it and brutally threw some back against his throat before recapping the bottle and dropping it on the bed. It landed with a satisfying thud despite the softness of the mattress. Finally standing still he picked up his tie from the back of the armchair situated under the window, pulled up his collar and put the tie into place, getting more and more frustrated as he got the two ends tangled up. Ripping it from his neck he tossed it back onto the chair and slumped down on the bed. With his head in his hands Richard decided that a tie was unnecessary for the task ahead. Since he would not be turning up as a guest he did not need to look smart.

Half a mile down the road Dawn was just about to step into a beautiful white classis Austen, provided by a friend of her father’s for the occasion, when she stopped, a sudden cold, fearful, feeling in the pit of her stomach and she turned looking wistfully up the driveway towards her parent’s house wishing she had a more honest and open relationship with them so she could tell them her reservations but she didn’t and it was too late now to back out. She was dolled up to the nines, wearing an expensive dress and jewellery all picked out by Ryan. Someone across the road called out, “Congratulations,” interrupting her thoughts and making Dawn smile weakly in thanks before ducking her head so she could get herself into the car and as she now positioned herself so her dress spilled out around her she painted a look of happiness on her face just in time for her father to get in beside her.  “Ready,” he asked her, taking hold of her hand. She nodded, unable to speak in fear of her voice breaking and giving her emotional state away.

At the church Ryan was stood at the altar with just five minutes before Dawn was due to arrive. Everything was in place. The guests were all seated and his best man was at his side. He smiled smugly. He was going to pull it off and marry the love of his life. He checked his watch and let out a sharp sigh. Four minutes. He hoped she would not let him down by being late. He had planned this day to the last second and it would not do to have anything overrun. He straightened his cravat and then he checked his watch again before turning to look towards the back of the church. He could see movement in the porch. She had arrived. Good.

Dawn took her father’s arm and together they walked up the aisle towards Ryan. Her bouquet was shaking as nerves consumed her and her father tapped her hand reassuringly. She couldn’t look at any of their guests, keeping her eyes forward yet trying not to meet Ryan’s gaze. When she reached him, her father kissed her cheek and Ryan grabbed her hand. She tried not to grimace at the tightness of his grip. Instead she smiled at him, concentrating on his handsome face so she could remember why she had fallen in love with him. If she concentrated hard enough she would be able to get through the day and then they could go back to the ways things were yesterday and before. She would find a way to be happy. As the ceremony started Ryan loosened his hold and finally returned her smile.

The vicar had barely finished his welcome when the church doors burst open and a voice behind them yelled, “Stop.” Despite Ryan trying to force her to remain facing the front she turned round to see who had shouted. Everybody behind her turned to. They were intrigued by the drama about to unfold. Her heart fizzed with emotion as she saw who stood at the back of the church yet her voice was cold as she asked, “What is it you wish to say Richard?” He seemed nervous now but managed to remain calm as he said, “Dawn, you cannot marry a man who hits you and controls you like he does.” He spat out the words and there were a few gasps from his audience but he continued. “Don’t bother denying it because I know he does. I love you Dawn and I promise I can give you a great, safe life if you’ll only let me.” And there it was. The excuse, the way out she had been looking for had just fallen in her lap. The man she knew she had loved since she was sixteen years old stood before her and the man she had tried to love for three years stood behind her. The choice was such a simple one yet she still hung back, but just for a second. Turning to Ryan she whispered, “I’m sorry, I can’t marry you.” With no other explanation she took a step towards Richard who was now half way up the aisle with his hand held out to her. Ryan tugged her arm and swung her back round to face him. His face was stern and his eyes fuelled with fury. “You will not leave this church until you are my wife. We are meant to be together.” Dawn gently shook her head. “No. We’re not. Richard has just shown me with just a few words the life I want. I’m sick of walking on shattered glass with you trying to make you happy. It should not be this difficult.” Still he would not let go, a redness seeping into the skin around his grip. “So what would you have done had he not shown up?” Dawn shrugged. “I guess I would have married you, but that does not make it right.” With that she pulled away from his hold and took another step towards Richard. One final glance back at Ryan told her everything she needed to know as his fist came smashing into her face. Hearing her nose crack she grasped hold of it as pain consumed her and blood spurted out. Dawn pushed Richard backwards so that he could not throw a punch no matter how badly he might want to before turning back to Ryan, who was now being restrained by his father who looked both embarrassed and shocked. Calmly she looked him straight in the eyes and said, “Now everyone can see what a fool I’ve been and why I really can’t marry you. The first time you did that to me I convinced myself it was a one off. The second time, I told myself you were under pressure with work and the third I put it down to the stresses of planning a wedding. Quite frankly I should have left you the first time and then no-one would have had to witness this debacle of a wedding, but through all of my doubts I was willing to put other people’s opinions before my own feelings. Well no more.” Grabbing Richard’s hand she pulled him up the aisle behind her and burst out of the church, not caring about the reactions coming from the guests. Ripping off her veil she threw it into the garden along with her bouquet and kept running. When they were far enough up the narrow road away from the church she stopped and faced Richard. “So you love me huh? Could you not have told me three years ago?” she asked laughing at him. He laughed too but said nothing. Instead he pulled her towards him and kissed her. He was so gentle, his touch soft and his arm around her was loosely protecting her back. A far cry from what she was used to. 

A Hidden Treasure

Sat in the centre of a busy town

Lay a secret. A hidden treasure chest

Of perfect silence and beauty.

Four long avenues all lined with pine trees

Lead away from the stone steps playing host

To the rocky water fountain. 

A palm tree stands tall with a chunky trunk.

Stunted yet broad branches look like many

Tongues sticking out from a monster.

Ugly. Yet beauty lies in the large leaves,

As, pretty and green, they spill out, waving,  

Like jazz hands at a dance soiree.

This secluded haven has been soundproofed

From anything not relevant to now.

Now being this rare chance of peace.

The only sounds are the trickling water

Some crunchy footsteps on the gravel paths

And the light breeze rustling the leaves.

Laughter erupts as a child interprets

A tree to look like a person in mud,

Head first. “A bum tree,” he giggles.

The tree indeed has a torso like trunk.

Where the bark has split it gives the look of

Two legs kicking for a way out.

In the depths of an Italian town,

Hidden away behind trees and bushes

Lies this little secret garden.

The Room

I was in the room again. Having upset my mother for the third day in a row with there still being five and a half weeks left of the summer break I was beginning to feel I would never see the outside world again. I’d only eaten my breakfast. I didn’t think I’d had time to annoy her but here she was shoving me down on the floor against the width of the wall which separated my parent’s room from the one I shared with my brother and then she closed all of the five doors tight so that no light would spill out into the hall I was in. I was all in darkness and barely able to make out my surroundings but no matter how dark it was I could always see the black plastic laundry bin in the corner in front of the huge airing cupboard, like a guard. It was less than a metre from where I was sitting and it was like it was edging towards me as I tried to inch away from it in fear of the spiders lurking behind it. Once I become accustomed to the darkness I became less rigid as I tried to see the hands on my Mickey Mouse watch and wondered how long I would be in here today.

            The room was my enemy. In here I was secluded. I was unable to play with my brother or my toys. Lego was my favourite as I could build roads that I could pretend would lead me away from here or houses that were bigger and better than this one. I would imagine I lived there with a family who loved playing. Here all I could do was twiddle my thumbs and think about what I could be doing. I always sat with my back pinned against the wall and I was usually afraid to move as I was always wondering how long the seclusion would last, always wondering when one of those spiders might attack.

Yet the room was also my friend which may seem odd but in some ways it was my safe place. When I was here I was not dodging harsh words or flailing fists. I love the word flailing, I mused. I’d heard my teacher say it and was always looking for a chance to use it. I like words especially in books where I can lose myself in the story. Here though I can only make stories up in my head. Some were silly, some not so much. I closed my eyes whilst I was imagining things. Well sort of. I always kept one eye half open and focused on the laundry bin in the corner.

            Today though was the third day in a row. I was bored of sitting in one place. Today was adventure day. I got onto my hands and knees and pretended I was a nice bright red sports car. Crawling around the small T shaped room, using my eyes as indicators when I thought I needed to go left or right, I was able to pretend I was on a road trip with a friend who I whispered to on my travels around the room. Don’t get me wrong the room was small and so there was not much travelling ground but I had a great imagination. A friend from school had told me he had gone on a long plane journey to go and see Mickey Mouse so I turned my ‘car’ in the direction of the airport. I passed bright green fields and big square houses with lots of windows and children playing in the garden. I admired the view all the way to the airport and when I got there I stopped, in awe of the jumbo jets. I could not wait to fly away in one.

            Even with my imagination there was nowhere far enough away for me to escape to so it wasn’t long before I came back to reality to the sound of clashing dishes as my mother aggressively did the washing up. I sat back in my place against the wall. I looked at Mickey on my wrist and saw that actually time hadn’t moved on that much. I sighed and put my head in my hands and rested them on my knee, still with half an eye on the corner. However I must have managed to doze off because before long I was jolted awake some time later with my mother now banging cupboards. Her mood had obviously not improved but it did mean that hopefully this time in the room was coming to an end as it was lunchtime. Well I guess a little boy like me can hope hey?

No Introduction Neccessary

Stepping onto Italian soil for the first time was refreshing and exciting. I grabbed my sister's arm as we left the plane and skipped to the coach which would take us across the wide runway to the arrivals terminal. In less than twenty minutes I would meet the girl I had been writing to since I was eleven years old. This is a friendship that holds no boundaries, despite the distance, a friendship which has stood the test of time. We had written over fifty letters over ten years with each of the ones I had received carefully stashed away in a little purple case with Winnie the Pooh on the front. In those letters we had shared everything there was to know about ourselves. This girl knew more about me than anyone and reads every word I write without conviction as do I with her.

            As Victoria and I boarded the coach we sat down and I now had a chance to absorb our surroundings. The airport itself looked barren with patches of brownish green grass mixed in with long, wide areas of dull grey tarmac. The sky however was a brilliant, bright blue with no sign of any clouds and in the distance a view of green forestry and mountains broke the secret of the beautiful sights that Italy had to offer. In the middle of the Italian summer the sun was high in the sky and beating down ferociously. I took off my jacket and the heat seeped through the window and onto my skin. I smiled. I could not wait to enjoy my first holiday without my parents, but more importantly I could not wait to enjoy some time with my best friend. In front of us was the terminal and Victoria and I soon descended from the coach and made our way inside. The terminal itself was quite ordinary, decorated simply and plainly. We queued for a short while before our passports were checked by a rather sullen looking man. I smiled as he handed me back my documents but he was already checking Victoria's therefore not noticing. With the formalities taken care of we were free to get our luggage and I watched the screens to see where we had to go. It took forever but eventually we were wheeling our suitcases towards the exit. We walked through a heavy wooden door out of the quiet baggage collection area and into the noisy chaos of the arrivals lounge. I quickly shut the door behind me almost afraid to let the noise seep into the peace of the previous room.

            I glanced around and saw people everywhere. As we battled through the crowds I had a nervous feeling in my stomach. What if I didn't recognise her? What if she didn't like me? Would we have as much in common as our letters showed? All of this was spinning in my mind as my sister pulled me forward. “Come on,” she said moving on ahead. Finally I could see the exit which would lead us back out into the glorious sunshine. My eyes paused at the main doors as we walked towards them where stood in front of them was a man in his fifties and a girl in her early twenties. It was her short black hair which made me stop and focus for a second before a wave from her confirmed my suspicions. It was Gloria. My first worry could be scrubbed as we ran towards each other with excitement. Her face seemed to mirror what I was feeling. She didn't give me a chance to stand still, immediately folding me into a hug as she said, “Rebecca, finally we meet.” She held me for a moment or two before kissing me on both cheeks. The Italian way, I smiled to myself. I was much calmer and wondering why I had ever thought an introduction would be necessary. It was easy to tell that we were not strangers. Our letters and photos had been the basis of our friendship and this meeting was just the start of a new chapter. As Gloria stepped aside to hug Victoria, her father hugged and kissed me also. With everyone now knowing everyone we were led away from the terminal, with Gloria not letting go of me, as though wanting to make sure I was real. I smiled as I realised I was probably doing the same. As we entered the car park she did break free to help her father to locate the ticket machine and as I followed Gloria I could not help but study my friend. I kept glancing at her so as not to make it obvious. She was a slightly older version of the photo she had sent a few years earlier. She was stunningly beautiful with her tanned skin, large dark eyes and slim physique. She was dressed in jeans and a black top and her skin was soaking up the rays of the sun. Her father on the other hand was wearing casual jeans and an oversized checked shirt. He was medium height, perhaps slightly shorter than me at five foot six and slightly round at the middle. He had a booming laugh; this I learned quickly, which enveloped all that was in his company making his mood infectious. It was clear to me that despite being in a strange country I was amongst friends.

            The drive to Gloria’s house took an hour but it seemed a lot less than that as we enjoyed a four way conversation because although Gloria’s father could not speak English he wanted to know more about us so with my friend translating we told him what he wanted to know. I was trying to talk as clearly as possible whilst looking out of the window to see where we were heading.

            Soon we arrived at Gloria’s house and I gasped at its size. “Wow, this is such a beautiful house,” I praised whilst Gloria laughed at my reaction and it was. The first difference I noticed from some of the houses we had seen on the way back was that from the outside this did not look like a two storey house. The garden was well cared for and there were two gorgeous dogs running around trying to lick our hands off. Laughing, Gloria grabbed my hand and eagerly ushered me inside to meet her mother who was in the kitchen cooking. She wiped her hands on her apron and welcomed me into her arms much the same as her daughter and husband had at the airport. I was overwhelmed by the reception we were receiving. It didn’t feel like we were all meeting for the first time. It was like I was already a part of their family. It was surreal but wonderful. Next Gloria’s mum hugged Victoria and then she shooed us out of the kitchen so Gloria took this time to show us our room so we could freshen up. This was when I noticed that this house was actually two floors but the second was located downstairs at an underground level so the bedrooms were able to stay cooler. Ingenious I couldn’t help thinking.

            Our bedroom was huge. It had space for three beds, a sofa and it also held a small kitchenette with a small table. Across from the bedroom was a bathroom which would be ours also. It was amazing. It was like another little home at the bottom of the house.

Gloria wasn’t yet letting me out of her sight so I searched my suitcase for the present I’d bought for her which once located I suggested we go out to the garden. Once there we chilled out at the table which was already laid out with food and drink ready for dinner and I handed Gloria the small gift I’d found for her. It was just a small book of poetry about friends but she loved it. She kissed and hugged me and thanked Victoria also, not wanting her to feel left out. My sister however was more intrigued by all the food and drink on the table and almost on cue Gloria’s father offered us some homemade wine. There was a choice of red and white and we both chose white whilst Gloria chose red. You could see the pride on his face as he poured the wine and talked about it animatedly in Italian whilst Gloria translated for us. As I sat back listening I tasted the wine and eventually ate the beautiful pastas, breads and salads spread before us. I felt I now knew what heaven was. We were surrounded by good people, fantastic weather, beautiful scenery and amazing food.

            After such a warm welcome from these wonderful people I could not wait for what the days ahead brought. This holiday really was going to be one of a lifetime as I realised once again that this friendship that Gloria and I had formed was much deeper than the written words in our letters.

The Truth Doesn't Change Anything

The stairs to the attic were old and rickety, making Katrina flinch at the noise she was making as she climbed to the top as Annie, the housekeeper was in bed with a migraine. This was the last place Katrina wanted to be but it was the only place left which needed packing up before the estate agents took control of the task of selling Grandmother Lily’s house. Armed with empty boxes she slotted them under her arm so that she could get the key into the lock. The huge oak door was stiff in place and Katrina pressed her shoulder onto the door giving it a good shove before it swung open. Trying to get her breath back she threw the boxes inside the room, taking her time to follow them, looking around the room absorbing the dusty, cluttered space before her. Sighing, she pulled up her sleeves and got to work.

            It took her an hour to move furniture to one side of the room so she could get to the shelves and boxes at the back of the room by a stunning stain glassed window. It was like a kaleidoscope image with a swarm of colours protruding into one another. Dragging her eyes away from its beauty she got back to the job at hand. With the furniture dealt with Katrina wiped her hands on the back of her jeans and sat down on one of the old carpet rugs that covered the wooden boards in the floor and pulled some boxes towards her. The first was full of beautiful, old baby clothes. “My mother’s?” Katrina wondered to herself as she placed them one by one into a new box and discarded the old one.  Pushing the clean, newly filled box aside she selected another and dragged it between her legs which were spread out in front of her like she was stretching in a yoga class. Opening the damp box she found it was full of old diaries, and photo albums. She succeeded in securing the diaries into a cleaner home but she could not resist looking at the photos. Resting the creaking spine of the largest album on her knee Katrina looked through the leather bound book of photos of her grandmother as a child. Katrina smiled in awe at the little girl’s mass of curly blonde locks which spilled down onto her shoulders. Katrina could only ever remember her grandmother having a smart crop of grey hair. Turning the pages Katrina could see Lily grow from a pretty, petite girl into a beautiful, slim, young woman. Oh how she missed the woman who had become her guardian and in time her best friend.

            The final picture in the album was a wedding picture of Katrina’s grandmother and grandfather whom Katrina had never met, him having died when her mother was three years old. Smiling at how happy they looked she turned the final page to make sure there was not another picture she had missed. There wasn’t. Instead there was an envelope taped to the inside of the back cover. Seeing it had her name on it she carefully peeled it away from the album and opened it. It was a letter from Lily and inside that was a photograph. Intrigued she looked at that first and found herself staring at a picture of Grandmother Lily, dressed in a black dress and a black veil as she stood over a grave. Intrigued Katrina looked closer at the picture bringing it right up to her face. On the grey headstone at the far end of the mound of earth she saw the inscription. Rest in peace Maisie-Leigh. Confusion overwhelmed her as she turned back to the ivory paper that Lily had written her note on.

Kat

This will make sense I promise but you will have to go on a little journey. Before you go I just want to tell you how proud I am to call you my granddaughter. I love you darling.

Lily xx

Puzzled Katrina suddenly swayed, putting a hand to her head. She grappled for a nearby chair as dizziness swept over her and she expected to succumb to blackness but as she missed the chair and fell to the floor she felt a pain in her ribs as she realised someone was kicking her continuously. Baffled she tried to get a grip on her surroundings when another kick caused her to buckle in agony. Twisting her head she saw a man she vaguely recognised, fury emanating from his face. Disorientation hit her nearly as hard as her attacker’s boot as she realised that she was no longer holding the letter or the photo in her hand nor was she lying on the floor in the attic. Instead she was huddled in the corner of a 1950s style kitchen wearing a floral dress, flat black shoes and a plain white apron. Looking back up she realised that the man kicking her was her grandfather, Geoffrey. The fear in her eyes was fuelling his anger as he shouted at her, “You are bloody useless, you knew I needed my dinner at four today. You know I am meeting Hobbs for a drink. Where is that bloody woman you call a housekeeper? Can’t she follow orders either?” He slapped her hard, striking his wedding ring against her, causing it to cut her freshly moisturised cheek. Her hand flew to her face and her fingers became sticky as they made contact with the broken skin. Geoffrey just sniffed at her. “Why did I ever marry you? You are unable to perform even the simplest of tasks to my bidding and now I’m lumbered with you for the rest of my life,” he finished planting his shoe in her ribs again. Realisation struck as Katrina looked down at herself once more. Putting a hand to her face and then to her hair she understood that all he could see was Lily. Somehow Katrina had become her grandmother and reverted back in time at least fifty five years.

            Unable to grasp the logistics of the situation she decided that the only thing that mattered right now was getting away from Geoffrey. Dragging herself up off the floor she managed to dodge more kicks and slaps as she half crawled across the kitchen. As she was finally able to stand she wobbled slightly but managed to remain upright. Trying to get her bearings she noticed a little girl of about three cowering in the doorway. Horrified Katrina forced herself past Lily’s husband, who was trying to prevent her from leaving the room, and grabbed the girl, Maisie-Leigh, close to her just as Geoffrey punched her once more, causing the child to scream. This angered the bully more and he burst between the woman and the child, shoving Maisie-Leigh hard against the wall. As the child slumped to the floor Geoffrey struck her across the head and Katrina screamed also and without thinking lifted the huge pan of hot water off the stove and brought it down on Geoffrey’s head causing him to collapse. It was almost like it had happened in slow motion and the shock at what she had just done coursed through her as the seriousness of what she had just done dawned on her. Katrina could see blood seeping from an already forming bruise but as she pulled herself together Katrina had no other thoughts for the man, instead rushing to Maisie-Leigh’s side. As Katrina felt for a pulse and tried to shake her awake it became all too clear that it was too late. Her tiny physique had been unable to fight the brutality of her father’s outburst and the blow to her head had been fatal. Tears ran down Katrina’s face as she huddled her grandmother’s child into her arms. She could not even begin to understand any of what had just happened. She was inside someone else’s body in which she had no control over. Lily was making her relive this and Katrina was slowly beginning to figure out why.

            Annie came out of the shadows and although she was shaking she took charge as Katrina continued to cradle the child. Once Annie had made the call the police arrived quickly, taking no time at all to seal off the crime scene. After an endless amount of questions they were satisfied that events had happened as they had been described and so with the interrogation over Annie grabbed a bottle of brandy, poured some into a glass and made Katrina drink it as finally one of the officers gently prised Maisie-Leigh away from her. The burning of the brandy on her throat shocked her into not screaming but it did not stop the tears from falling as she collapsed into Annie’s arms. As the sobs burst from her she hit out at Annie her fist clenched as Katrina struck her. Annie took a firm grip of her and hugged her tight. As Katrina continued to be controlled by Lily’s actions she realised how deceptive the wedding picture she had been looking at was to anyone who saw it. She also realised that if it hadn’t been for Annie her grandmother would never have gotten through this horrific ordeal.

*

Katrina could feel someone gently tapping her on the face. As she focused she realised she was back in the attic and Annie was helping her to slowly sit up. “Are you ok? It looks like you fainted there for a wee while.” Katrina nodded and then pulled Annie close and held her tight. “Thank you. Thank you for being there for my grandmother when she needed you most.” Annie, confused, said nothing. Katrina tried to stand but nausea caused her to change her mind. As the feeling of sickness took a grip she noticed a transparent figure emerge by her side. It was her grandmother and it seemed like she had just come from within Katrina, who cautiously held out her hand which Lily took as Katrina trembled at the wispy cobweb like sensation. “I’m sorry,” Lily whispered. “I had to let you know the truth. I had to let you know that you were not really mine.”  As Lily faded away Katrina tried to keep a hold of her as she said, “That’s not true. You cared for me like I was your own and that’s all that counts. I have had a great life and that is all down to you. Don’t feel guilt. Go in peace and remember I love you Grandmother Lily.” Lily smiled and finally let go as she drifted towards the window convincing Katrina that, now she had shared her burden, she was indeed at peace. Once Lily had disappeared completely Katrina kissed Annie and said, “You weren’t just her housekeeper Annie, you were her best friend too.” With that she turned on her heel, ran down the stairs, grabbed her denim jacket and made the short walk to the cemetery, wanting to be near to her grandmother for a little while longer.      

Sweet to Bitter Sweet

The first night I met you, my darling Alexia, I knew you were the one for me despite my first rather stereotypical impression. It was a blind date arranged by mutual friends and although I trusted them with my life, as I'm sure did you, I was dubious. This said I did agree, reluctantly, to go along with it but I was filled with negativity, having had a string of unsuccessful dates in recent months and so I never expected things to pan out quite the way they did.
    You pulled up in your slightly banged up Nissan Micra, dressed in a crumpled, derogative top, with torn jeans and very muddy trainers. I was honestly cringing as I tried to keep my obsessive compulsive tendencies at bay but then you suggested we go to a fish and chip takeaway and despite not usually seeing myself as shallow I must admit my first thought was, 'oh god please not untidy and someone who can't even afford to go halves on a decent meal' but it just goes to show that I should not have judged by appearance alone.
    You ordered for me which irritated me but I went along with it especially since, miraculously, you had ordered the same as I would have. You handed me my haddock and chips and you led the way as we negotiated some steep steps down onto the beach and then you handed your meal to me as well whilst you unpacked your grimy looking rucksack. Yes, I know, I was still being critical. You unpacked a blanket, two glasses and a bottle of champagne and I hoped I did not have a look of shock on my face as you laid the blanket on the sand and offered me a seat. “Madam,” you said shyly. Once we were sat we tucked into our food and fell into easy conversation. Between mouthfuls of food I took a moment to take a better look at you. The setting sun was reflecting off your tanned face and your shoulder length blonde hair and blue eyes were both glistening in the midst of the reds and purples of the evening sky. Despite my earlier misgivings I actually liked what I saw and as we got to know each other a little better I realised I had made a mistake in my initial impression of you especially after you confess that you had not had time to change after an unexpected field trip with a patient at the nursing home you worked at. I smiled at my own cynicism and you asked what I was smiling at. Embarrassed, thinking that I had been caught out I made some silly excuse but you did not believe me so, with no other choice and potentially risking my lift home I told you the truth but rather than getting angry at me you leant in and you kissed me. It was like a sparkler on bonfire night, yet so soft and gentle and when we pulled apart we were both smiling. Standing up you held out your hand to me which I took to hoick myself off the ground. “Come on,” you said, “Let's go for a walk. There is an old ruin further down the beach which is beautiful as the sun sets,” and without waiting for my reply you grabbed my hand and skipped ahead so I had no choice but to follow.
    Our first date turned out to be perfect and that first show of honesty and trust became the foundation of our fifteen year marriage. It may not have always been an easy ride but it was never boring and I would not change any part of it. You are the only woman I have truly loved and I only wished it could have continued into old age but fate had other plans my darling. I will be gone when you read this and as much I hope that you never forget me and what we had together I also hope that you move on with your life and continue to achieve everything you have ever dreamed of. I love you and I love everything you stand for. You are an inspiration to me and all of those around you. I love you Alexia and I always will.

    *

Alexia choked on the last few words of Charlotte's letter and she let out a small sob. Pulling herself together she finished her eulogy by saying, “I found this letter this morning when I collected my dress from the dry cleaners and I knew I had to share this with every one of you. I could have easily written the same letter it is so true to each of us, although I would have had to put that she was dressed in high heels, posh cropped jeans and looking a little pretentious. You see I wasn't exactly blown away with her for the first five minutes either.” This got a laugh and Alexia stared out at the seventy or so faces that littered the church pews before she continued, “Not everyone agreed with our relationship much less our marriage but together we made a life and all of you have been a valued family member or friend all the way. If Charlotte is looking down on us now she would be honoured that so many of you came to say goodbye. Thank you.” With this Alexia stepped down from the altar and went back to her seat. Beside her Sophia took her hand, “Mummy would be so proud of you,” the little girl whispered. Alexia smiled through her tears and put an arm around her daughter.