Sweet to Bitter Sweet

The first night I met you, my darling Alexia, I knew you were the one for me despite my first rather stereotypical impression. It was a blind date arranged by mutual friends and although I trusted them with my life, as I'm sure did you, I was dubious. This said I did agree, reluctantly, to go along with it but I was filled with negativity, having had a string of unsuccessful dates in recent months and so I never expected things to pan out quite the way they did.
    You pulled up in your slightly banged up Nissan Micra, dressed in a crumpled, derogative top, with torn jeans and very muddy trainers. I was honestly cringing as I tried to keep my obsessive compulsive tendencies at bay but then you suggested we go to a fish and chip takeaway and despite not usually seeing myself as shallow I must admit my first thought was, 'oh god please not untidy and someone who can't even afford to go halves on a decent meal' but it just goes to show that I should not have judged by appearance alone.
    You ordered for me which irritated me but I went along with it especially since, miraculously, you had ordered the same as I would have. You handed me my haddock and chips and you led the way as we negotiated some steep steps down onto the beach and then you handed your meal to me as well whilst you unpacked your grimy looking rucksack. Yes, I know, I was still being critical. You unpacked a blanket, two glasses and a bottle of champagne and I hoped I did not have a look of shock on my face as you laid the blanket on the sand and offered me a seat. “Madam,” you said shyly. Once we were sat we tucked into our food and fell into easy conversation. Between mouthfuls of food I took a moment to take a better look at you. The setting sun was reflecting off your tanned face and your shoulder length blonde hair and blue eyes were both glistening in the midst of the reds and purples of the evening sky. Despite my earlier misgivings I actually liked what I saw and as we got to know each other a little better I realised I had made a mistake in my initial impression of you especially after you confess that you had not had time to change after an unexpected field trip with a patient at the nursing home you worked at. I smiled at my own cynicism and you asked what I was smiling at. Embarrassed, thinking that I had been caught out I made some silly excuse but you did not believe me so, with no other choice and potentially risking my lift home I told you the truth but rather than getting angry at me you leant in and you kissed me. It was like a sparkler on bonfire night, yet so soft and gentle and when we pulled apart we were both smiling. Standing up you held out your hand to me which I took to hoick myself off the ground. “Come on,” you said, “Let's go for a walk. There is an old ruin further down the beach which is beautiful as the sun sets,” and without waiting for my reply you grabbed my hand and skipped ahead so I had no choice but to follow.
    Our first date turned out to be perfect and that first show of honesty and trust became the foundation of our fifteen year marriage. It may not have always been an easy ride but it was never boring and I would not change any part of it. You are the only woman I have truly loved and I only wished it could have continued into old age but fate had other plans my darling. I will be gone when you read this and as much I hope that you never forget me and what we had together I also hope that you move on with your life and continue to achieve everything you have ever dreamed of. I love you and I love everything you stand for. You are an inspiration to me and all of those around you. I love you Alexia and I always will.

    *

Alexia choked on the last few words of Charlotte's letter and she let out a small sob. Pulling herself together she finished her eulogy by saying, “I found this letter this morning when I collected my dress from the dry cleaners and I knew I had to share this with every one of you. I could have easily written the same letter it is so true to each of us, although I would have had to put that she was dressed in high heels, posh cropped jeans and looking a little pretentious. You see I wasn't exactly blown away with her for the first five minutes either.” This got a laugh and Alexia stared out at the seventy or so faces that littered the church pews before she continued, “Not everyone agreed with our relationship much less our marriage but together we made a life and all of you have been a valued family member or friend all the way. If Charlotte is looking down on us now she would be honoured that so many of you came to say goodbye. Thank you.” With this Alexia stepped down from the altar and went back to her seat. Beside her Sophia took her hand, “Mummy would be so proud of you,” the little girl whispered. Alexia smiled through her tears and put an arm around her daughter. 

Better Than Revenge

Fiona was angry but although she wanted to get her revenge she wanted it to be good. The anger had been simmering away all week but rather than letting it boil over and doing the inevitable scorned spouse confrontation she set about thinking of a plan which would satisfy her desire for revenge long term. Fiona's husband it had recently transpired was not worth going to jail for and so although she would love to do some serious damage to his nether regions this was not an option and quite honestly it was a little predictable, as was burning all of his belongings. She wanted the proverbial knife to stick like it was wedged in a block of cheese.
    Sitting down at her desk in her office in the attic with a mug of fresh hot coffee, she loaded up the computer so that she could do some work but before she did she browsed the internet and it took just thirty minutes to spend £3000 on Luke’s credit card. As she waited for the last order to be processed she sat back and let her mind slip back to the previous week when she had come home a day early from a rather successful business trip to find a trail of clothes snaking up the staircase like a vile infestation. She had stood at the bottom pathetically staring at a pair of lacy red knickers that could, quite frankly, be mistaken for a piece of dental floss. Stood frozen in place, her whole body numb as she tried to block out the obscene noises coming from the bedroom she usually shared with her husband.
    Eventually she moved swiftly up the stairs. Knowing what she would find she burst open the door and took a tiny bit of pleasure in seeing her husband and his floozy leap apart in the midst of their unfinished act of deception. Speechless they both stared at her as they tried to protect their modesty with the purple covers, giving her time to take a look at the blonde haired tramp lying in her bed with her husband. Fiona laughed cruelly at the look of horror on her face but promptly ignoring it she said, “You! Get your smutty red underwear off my stairs and get the hell out of my house.” She did have the sense to disappear but not before daring to throw Luke a fleeting glance.
    “You,” Fiona yelled at her husband, “can pack your crap and get out. I don’t care if it was a one off. I don’t care if it didn’t mean anything. Whatever excuse you have is not going to work on me. I have apparently put a lot of worthless effort into this marriage and I have no more to spare.” Rather shamefaced he got out of bed, quickly dressed in business attire; all with Fiona staring at him, hopefully making him feel very uncomfortable. He packed his black leather case, still not saying a word until he was finished and then he said, “I’m flying to Hong Kong tonight for the next two weeks but once I am back I’ll collect the rest of my stuff and my car. Fiona...” He stopped as she gave him a look which reiterated how little she cared and so he said “I’ll call a taxi and wait downstairs.”  He left, offering no further explanation or apology. Slamming the door behind him and brusquely brushing away tears which threatened to fall but she refused to give into them. Instead she stripped the bed of its sheets and threw them out of the window where they fell directly onto the compost heap. She would burn them later.
    Coming swiftly back to the present Fiona took an excited gulp of her coffee causing her to choke as some went down the wrong way. Laughing and coughing she tapped into her eBay account. Drumming her fingers against the mug as she waited for it to accept her password she thought about what she would write and soon she was drafting an advert.
    Buy Now – Collection only
    Mercedes E63 Class AMG 6.2 Diesel 2011 – Matt Black
    1 owner, FSH - 8 months tax + 2 years warranty
    Looking for very quick sale.
    Price: £1 - This is not a joke!
Finished, Fiona sat back, grinning at what she thought to be a genius plan. The car had been Luke’s gift to himself last year when he had received a generous inheritance from a distant relative. He had paid cash for the vehicle but ironically he had temporarily put it into her name to escape some hefty bills. Fiona had not understood it all at the time but it was certainly going in her favour now. Swivelling round in her chair she looked out of the window and eyed the sleek looking motor. It stood handsomely next to her slightly more modest silver Hyundai Coupé. Oh but not for long, she thought as she finally got down to some actual work.
    Emails kept flooding in during the next few days as people tried to figure out if the price was genuine but eventually someone took Fiona at her word and arranged to come and view the car. Rushing around half an hour before the scheduled meeting she made sure everything was ready to hand over if the potential buyer was happy. She had even washed the car, something she had previously prided herself on never doing, not that she had probably needed to have bothered since the car was going for such a small price. Giggling to herself she boiled the kettle to make coffee and waited.
    Alex Maxwell was actually a woman, despite Fiona being convinced that the emails she had been receiving were from a man. Alex barely left her time to open the door before she barged in, not waiting for an invite. Introducing herself whilst finding her own way to the kitchen she planted herself onto one of the breakfast bar stools and looked Fiona up and down who was just staring at her, open mouthed, not sure what to say. Eventually she said, “I'm Fiona.”
    Tutting loudly Alex said, “Yes, I gathered that. So you are selling your car for £1? May I ask why?” Running her fingers repeatedly through her hair Fiona felt like she was being interrogated by the Mafia so she just mumbled, “Fancy a change.”
    “And you think you'll get that change for a pound?” The intruder exclaimed. “Sit down dear,” she said more gently, which sounded odd considering the woman didn't appear to be much older than Fiona was. Despite being in her own home she felt like a stranger in someone else's as she meekly sat down on another of the stools.
    “Separated?” Alex enquired staring at the white line on Fiona's ring finger which until last week had housed her wedding ring for the last six years. She nodded, not really sure what else to say or do.
    “Thought as much when I read your advert.” Puzzled Fiona just listened as Alex continued. “Three years ago I put a similar advert in the local newspaper after I found my husband in bed with the next door neighbours hussy of a daughter. She was legal but barely,” Alex sighed as she remembered. “Anyway this act of revenge turned out to be a huge error in judgement as when my husband found out the whole divorce turned into a money and child war. Adultery it seems is a lesser crime than revenge and I lost everything. It didn't help that my ex husband is the most devious man I know, but if I had been less inclined for revenge and more inclined for long term satisfaction I would not have sold his car for... yes you guessed it... one pound and I might have some say in my children’s lives. His being rich was a real nail in my coffin.” 
    Fiona at this point was now stood making coffee. She offered Alex one who accepted as Fiona asked her why she was telling her all of this. Alex mulled this over for a moment as she decided how to answer before she said, “Honestly? I'm lonely and I figured if you were about to lose your husband then you might need a friend and as I could use one too I thought I would offer my services.” She stopped, nervously twiddling her thumbs, her leg also bouncing up and down as she realised how weird she might be sounding. “Basically, I don't want you to make the same mistake I did.” Fiona was incredibly moved by what this woman was doing for her.
    A week later, on a rare afternoon off work, Fiona was sat in her lounge with a glass of wine in her hand. Alex was on one side of her and a couple of other friends were on the other side. They were in genuine fits of laughter, enjoying good conversation but in the midst of all the chatter Fiona   could hear a gentle cough from the doorway and turned to see Luke standing there beckoning her to him. She looked surprised to see him stood there not having heard him let himself in. Initially she blanked him as she took another mouthful of wine but then she quietly excused herself and ushered him into the kitchen. “You're back then?” she started offhandedly.
    “Yes,” he answered. “Can we talk before I just pack up my stuff and go?” he asked.
    Alex burst in just then and said excitedly, “Come on they're about to put the DVD on from Sammy's hen party.”
“You went to a hen party,” Luke asked seemingly surprised.
“Yeah, hen party on Saturday, the races on Sunday and numerous nights out since then too,” she said indifferently. “Your stuff is all where you left it and your car keys are hanging up by the back door. If you could leave your house keys in the bowl in the hall when you leave that would be great.” With that she turned on her heel and went back to her friends in the lounge. Alex had been right. It was so much more satisfying for him to see how she had moved on without him when he appeared to look like he had some regrets. In the week she had known Alex she had become a good friend and it just went to show that something good can come out of something unfortunate. Smiling broadly she filled up her wine glass and squeezed herself into the small gap on the sofa.

On Fathers Day I Say...

Make today about you
Just once say no to them all.
Enjoy a western
Or visit the grandchildren.
Just do what you want to do

You are a great dad,
Who has listened to our woes,
Forgiven our crimes,
Patched up our many bruises
And fixed my car once or twice.

The nest is empty
Yet you still support us all
Your job never done
Today though is your day to
Remember your girls love you.

Calliope at War

Waves were angrily thrashing at the sides of the H.M.S Calliope making it almost impossible to concentrate with the added noise of the rain as it beat down on the crew as they tried to manoeuvre through the storm. They were fighting against a head wind of over one hundred and fifty miles per hour. The hurricane was at its peak as it let nothing get in its way. Other ships in the vicinity had already been damaged beyond repair due to its ferocity and Captain Henry Coey Kane was desperately trying to guide his crew to safety. It was a tough task trying to keep the Calliope upright against the extremity of the winds but Kane was determined to keep his ship from the same fate as those he was slowly leaving behind. Just twenty feet from coral reef the propeller was spinning at seventy four revelations per minute and there were at least ten men on the wheel shouting at each other to make themselves heard as they tried to maintain some control of the rudder as the Calliope narrowly missed hitting another ship.

*

Twelve hours earlier there had been little sign, despite strong gales the night before, that this was the war this crew would have to battle. With his ship quietly stationed on the calm water of the Samoan Islands, Captain Kane was stood at the helm underneath a clear sky, slowly twisting his moustache between his fingers as he waited. What he was waiting for he did not know for sure but he had been sent with his crew to watch over the ever growing diplomatic crisis between the United States and Germany. Confrontation between six vessels, three American and three German, also situated near the port of Apia, looked imminent and Kane's men were on hand to intervene when necessary. Kane's immediate problem was that seven vessels in this small area of the pacific ocean left little room and Kane was of the opinion that more space could be made if only half of the vessels were anchored there, but with six vessels staring each other down and pride being at the forefront of their minds there seemed little hope of any of them backing down and moving out of the small reef engulfed area.

      As Kane started thinking strategy he was interrupted by Navigating Lieutenant Henry Pearson who insisted the Captain look at his current barometer reading. “The readings have been gradually falling all morning,” Pearson told Kane who agreed that this meant one thing. A hurricane could be in full swing in a matter of hours. Taking stock of the situation around him, he saw that none of the other ships seemed to be preparing to move despite Kane knowing that each ship would contain a barometer with similar readings. Rubbing the back of his neck as a spasm of tiredness hit him he made a decision. “Keep me updated every thirty minutes or sooner if anything changes dramatically. I want to be prepared for any disaster but at the same time I do not want to act the fool and leave toward open waters only to have to come crawling back when nothing happens. We have already survived one storm. I am sure we will come through another. Dismissed.” Needing no more encouragement the Lieutenant turned on his heel and returned to his workspace.

*

Now in the throes of torrential rain and gale force winds Kane was glad he had been given the early warning. The wind seemed to have reached its climax, screaming around them at 185 miles per hour making it impossible to think, but not thinking was a luxury Kane could not afford as the Calliope had dragged its anchor so far it was only six feet away from the reefs. After several collisions with nearby ships due to the ports anchor breaking free, he was now forced to order all his stokers below deck to shovel for their lives to obtain maximum steam pressure as he finally decided to slip the starboard cable and venture away from the dangers of the nearby reefs and the ships in close proximity. Other ships had already been beached and Kane did not want to join them. He needed to venture into more open space if they were to survive this storm but travelling at one knot per hour, despite engines being at full capacity it took two hours to travel just four cables as Kane's crew battled through the waves, negotiating the space between the neighbouring ships. Ahead of the Calliope were two American ships and to starboard there were two others. As the Calliope edged between them they clipped the side of one of the other ships causing Kane to fear that extensive damage had been caused. “Report,” he screamed at his closest men through the noise of the storm. Rain was still streaming down in sheets and the wind was no less vicious. No real damage could be detected at this point so the crew steered themselves away from immediate collision narrowly missing another ship as they straightened up fighting against the gales all the while. The war against the hurricane was using up the crews combined strength but their morale to beat it never failed.

       It took many hours but eventually the H.M.S Calliope made it to open waters. The ship that had been nearest to them cheered as they passed. The Trenton had irreparable wreckage and the Calliope was in no position to help them yet the crew of the American ship were in awe of their bravery wishing them all the best and now eleven hours later Kane was able to instruct his crew to ease the engines as the hurricane was slowly subsiding too. The Calliope had sustained minimal damage and Kane called his crew together to express his gratitude. He was proud of the strength and courage they had portrayed. “This was not the war we anticipated but nevertheless we came through undefeated.” The crew cheered and saluted their captain proud to be working for him. It was after all his guidance that had helped them prevail.

       In the hours that followed they celebrated their success and their lives before Captain Kane made the decision to venture back towards Apia to survey the damage the hurricane had left behind. The experience of this short and much quicker journey was sobering as they surveyed the mass of bodies littering the enclosed waters of the port. Some of the ships had drifted ashore where crews were now trying to repair them, others had been wrecked causing the extensive loss of life. The surviving Captains were full of praise for Kane and he found some comfort in their words. His crew after all were safe, but some of that credit, he thought, should go to the H.M.S Calliope herself.

TWINTUITION

Tonight I felt my sister die as the knife he used sliced into her heart

When the pain subsided I knew she was gone so

Ignoring my grief I called the police.

Now I was at home and she was in town but,  
They took my knowledge of her whereabouts as an admission of guilt.  Understandably I was met with disbelief as I explained how

I'd felt her pain as I now felt her presence. 

Terry Adams is who you want and he is burying her body in West End Park.

I solved their case yet they were still suspicious but all I wanted now was to grieve.

Oh Lucy, I was with you at the end, I promise I was.

Now rest in peace my darling twin.

One Sided

“Wow you look great,” Helen told her friend as she kissed Lisa on the cheek.
“Of course,” Lisa said as though this was the most obvious thing in the world.
So, how are you?” asked Helen as she sat down opposite Lisa and shuffled out of her jacket.
“I'm really good,” replied Lisa enthusiastically, picking up the wine menu and Helen smiled. Lisa was never as bothered about ordering food as she was about ordering wine. The waiter took their drinks order and amidst Lisa's flirtatious remarks a bottle of red was quickly selected, along with a jug of water and then Helen opened the main menu whilst Lisa bombarded her with information about the current state of her life.
“So yes, things couldn't be better right now. I left Jack. He wasn't right for me so I'm back on the market for a rich, eligible bachelor who will sweep me off my feet and treat me like a queen.”  Hardly taking a breath Lisa continued, “I've been promoted at long last. I don't know what took them so long,” she sighed dramatically, “but I'm now the producer of the show and since I've taken over the ratings have gone through the roof. All it needed were a few proactive changes and I was the woman to put them into place,” she bragged as Helen nodded and smiled. The waiter came back to take their food order and then Lisa continued talking and Helen kept nodding and smiling despite being slightly annoyed that since it was she who had arranged this lunch Lisa had not so much as asked her how she was, but then it was always Helen who suggested their lunch dates.
“So anyway the station have asked if I would like to produce a second show and of course I said yes,” Lisa was saying as she poured wine into her glass before replacing it back into the cooler. Helen made a point of picking up the jug of water and poured herself a glass, but Lisa wasn't paying any attention. “This new show starts filming in October and looks like it will be a success, especially now I've suggested a few changes here and there.”
    It took drumming her fingernails on her glass repeatedly before Lisa eventually noticed that Helen was barely listening let alone joining in with the conversation.
“So anything new with you?” Lisa asked, almost reluctantly, as she reached over and took a piece of bread from the basket which has just been laid on their table.
“Well actually yes,” Helen said taking a sip of her water. “I...”
“Great, and how's simple Simon,” she laughed referring to Helen's husband.
“He's great. He's been promoted himself recently.” Trying to keep her voice upbeat she waited for the congratulations but none came and Lisa was soon back talking about herself again. “I put an offer on that house I was telling you about. I'm paying a little over the odds but it's worth it and I can afford it now so it shouldn't be a bother. You should so come and see it when I'm in. Oh yes and I will have to have a house warming. Hopefully I can persuade a few of my celeb friends to attend, that will make the others jealous of me.” Helen had once again switched off and if asked she would not have known what Lisa had been saying for the last few minutes. She was almost wishing she had not arranged to meet. It was always the same and no matter who told her this friendship was one sided she had never really seen it or done anything about it. Helen cleared her throat as she finished the last bites of her meal. Yes, that was how long Lisa had been talking.
“Lisa,” Helen said interrupting some story about the latest celebrity party Lisa had attended. “I arranged this lunch to tell you that I'm pregnant. I haven't told anyone else yet, except Simon of course,” she giggled with excitement as she said, “I wanted you to be the first to know,” Helen added.
“Honoured I'm sure,” Lisa said, the sarcasm hitting Helen like a slap in the face. “Well... another thing that Simon has done to get in the way of your career. You could have been such a success by now if you had put your mind to it but instead you insist on playing the suburban housewife.”
Helen could barely breathe as she tried to suppress her anger at Lisa's reaction to the happiest news of her life.
“Well,” Lisa was saying. “I'd better have this party sooner rather than later before you are too fat to look half decent in anything.”
Helen picked up her napkin which was lying on her lap, folded it neatly but did not let go as she said quietly, “How dare you pick apart my life as though it is inferior to yours. I have a husband who loves me and who happens to be kind hearted and fun to be around. Who do you have?” Wringing the napkin in her hands she ploughed on, not giving Lisa a chance to respond. “I have a perfectly good job that I love and am very good at, so I am successful thank you, just not in the lime light sort of way that you mean.” Lisa's mouth was wide open but for once Helen was not giving her a chance to speak. “You go through life destroying those around you until they are your fearful minions. Well I refuse to be one of them any longer. Goodbye Lisa. I'm going home to my husband to celebrate being pregnant and then I will call all of the people I should have called before telling you. My friends. The ones who will be happy for me.” Shaking, she stood up throwing her napkin on the table along with thirty pounds to cover the cost of her meal. Turning on her heel she left Lisa who was wondering what the hell had happened. 
    Outside the restaurant Helen called her husband. “You were right,” she said when he picked up after the first ring. “She was as enthusiastic as a pig on slaughter day. I'm sorry I yelled at you when you tried to tell me. I guess I had to find out for myself. I'll be home soon. I love you.” Hanging up she rushed to her car and drove home. A fractured friendship had finally broken and despite thinking all these years that she needed Lisa she knew now that she really didn't and all she wanted to do now was focus on her future and those who were true to her.

Journey to Goodbye

Opening the crisp cover of the new copy of her favourite novel Jane Eyre, Katrina sank into the less than comfortable seat which public transport offered the common traveller, devouring the first two chapters before the train had even left King's Cross due to a signal failure a mile up the track. ‘Hopefully not a sign of things to come,’ she thought, thinking enviously of her normal commute to work which was a short five minute walk from her flat. Once the train started the four and half hour trek to Edinburgh, Katrina dragged her eyes away from the page she was reading and allowed herself to take in the scenes flowing past as the train picked up speed. 

      London was looking glum as it stared back at her and was being made all the more depressing due to thick grey clouds hanging overhead, which lacked any optimism for the day ahead. “Well,' she thought, ‘I guess the weather is aware of my mood'. She lifted the book from its resting place on her knee and read a few more lines but she did not concentrate on the content. Instead she discreetly took a look around. There were just two other people, a couple of business men in formal attire, in the spacious carriage with her despite the 7am train being a peak time option. She didn’t mind though, she could do without the bustle of numerous travellers and she was sure it would pick up later. Both passengers looked as unenthusiastic as she did about the journey they had just embarked on as they rustled their morning papers in an attempt to look awake. 

      The carriage itself was clean enough, if not a little dusky in smell and she could not help but feel repulsed at the tiny piece of pink chewing gum which has been pressed into the seal of the window. She shuddered and looked away, swiftly reading another four chapters of her book before shoving it into her purple, suede bag. There would be plenty of time for reading. She thought of the miles ahead and then she thought of what lay in wait for her in Scotland.
     Going home had been a major topic of conversation for some time but for one reason or another she had kept putting it off. Grandmother Lily had continually argued that it was her obsessive streak holding her back. Katrina was unable to put someone else in charge of her work as a book editor for a while so that she could take a well deserved break.
     Now though her journey home was one of necessity and heartache rather than one of pleasure. When she arrived in Edinburgh later that day Grandmother Lily's housekeeper, Annie would meet her and together they would prepare for the funeral which would mark the end of an era for both of them.
      If only she had let her friend, Angela, look after her flat a few weeks ago, when she had offered, and she had let Martin, her assistant, take on the promotions for Martha Donahue's latest book tour, she might have seen her grandmother in her final days. Days which could have been filled with a reminder of the love that Lily and Katrina held for each other. Fortunately, Lily had accepted Katrina for the workaholic she had become yet that did nothing to stop the guilt which now engulfed her.
      Focusing on the sea of luscious green fields as they whizzed past with London now being far in the distance Katrina took a moment to relax. They were only at Peterborough so she closed her eyes and started to think of her childhood, where her grandmother had been her only source of family. As memories of grief and rebellion and later a lasting friendship merged she drifted into a light sleep, the pressure of the last few weeks getting the better of her as she finally succumbed to her tiredness.
      She was forced into consciousness some time later as the train came to an abrupt stop. Noticing they were not at a station she groaned inwardly as she waited for someone to explain the situation as she righted her position to look less like she had been sleeping. She rubbed her neck, sore from the position she had found herself in when she awoke and tried to get more comfortable. The announcement she was waiting for came over the intercom then, “Unfortunately we are experiencing signal failure up ahead due to the theft of some cabling. We will get moving as soon as possible.” What was the world coming to when someone felt the need to steal some cabling? ‘Must be worth something I suppose for it to be worth the effort,’ Katrina thought. Dragging herself out of her chair she pulled her short black skirt into place as she decided to take a trip to the food carriage. Making sure her suitcase was safe she grabbed her bag and manoeuvred through the carriages, trying not to trip up on anything that was sticking out from underneath the seats. Further down the train there were a lot more passengers and a lot more noise. She grimaced as she negotiated bags, elbows and even a child’s fist as it splayed out into the aisle without warning as she passed him. She tried to hold her breath as she passed the toilet facilities but could not help but be disgusted at the smell that was emanating from within. Hurrying on she joined the end of a two man queue in a narrow, dark blue corridor in the carriage which housed the food and tried to decide what she would eat. The chances of finding anything healthy were slim although she thought she spied a banana from where she stood. As the first man walked away with some sort of greasy food she waited for the second man to obtain his coffee and then it was her turn. “Morning,” she said, trying to be friendly but the girl behind the counter brushed off her attempts and demanded to know her order. “A black coffee and a banana please,” Katrina said coldly in retaliation to her rudeness and slammed her money on the counter. Grabbing her items without saying ‘thank you’ or ‘goodbye’ she braced herself for the walk back to her seat but miraculously she managed to get there without spilling any of the hot coffee.
     By this time the train had restarted its journey albeit slower than before and soon they had stopped at York station where it seemed a substantial amount of passengers were now boarding. This made the carriages hot and stuffy and despite most of the tiny windows now being open this had no affect. Katrina drank her coffee whilst balancing her book on her knee, trying desperately not to make eye contact with anyone. She was conscious that the seats were not quite large enough to accommodate her and the lady who had sat down next to her and she shuffled closer to the wall of the train, hoping that the journey would soon be at its end. 

      Her mind once more moved towards her grandmother and couldn’t help wondering if she was as claustrophobic in her current resting place as she was feeling right now. If she closed her eyes tight enough and put her arms down by her side she almost felt like she was there with her. Shaking these thoughts away she glanced back down at her book, there not being anything else to do on such a long journey, but the words were blurred, as some tears escaped down her face at the though of her grandmother all alone. Brushing them away in frustration she sighed shutting her book with a slap but keeping hold of it not wanting to disturb her fellow passenger who appeared to have fallen asleep. As Katrina settled in for the remainder of the journey, the train now having left Newcastle station after a brief stop, Grandmother Lily once again swept into her mind almost as real as if she had swept into a room. The long flowing summer dresses Lily had worn when Katrina was growing up allowed her to do this and Katrina smiled now at the thought. If she could just get past the guilt of not being with her at the end she would be peaceful in the knowledge that Lily was in a better place. ‘Clichéd?’ she questioned herself. Maybe, but her grandmother had always believed her soul would live on when her body did not. This did nothing to stop her grief however and although she wanted this journey to end she was worried about the task ahead. Preparing a funeral was not her idea of fun although getting in touch with some of Lily’s friends would be enjoyable despite the circumstances. When Lily had been in a room with any number of her close friends it had always been a riot and even as Katrina thought about it she let out a small giggle as she remembered some of things they had gotten up to. Lily’s friends had been as much Katrina’s family as they had been Lily’s and she hoped that this would remain so now.
     Going through her grandmother’s house and boxing it all up so she could sell the property was another job she was not looking forward to as she would have to cram it all into the week she had booked off work, but again perhaps she would enjoy looking at the things that Lily had built up throughout her life to make her the person she was. Katrina was sure she would find journals and letters and other keepsakes that would keep her grandmother alive in her mind. ‘You know what?’ she thought to herself as the train finally pulled up in Edinburgh station. ‘I can do this. I can say goodbye and still be the woman that I am. Grandmother Lily will remain alive in me.’ With that thought in mind she stood up with focus, grabbed her suitcase down from the overhead shelf minding not to knock anyone out with it and exited the train straight into the arms of Annie who had seen the train come in and had spotted the carriage Katrina had been sitting in. Annie welcomed her like a long lost daughter and Katrina kissed her cheek, linked arms with her and said, “Let’s do this.”